grow through what you go through

do you ever think about how much talking you do in a day? or texting? on average we say about 10-20 thousand words a day. however those words are expressed, whether you’re saying them, writing them, or texting them… they mean something. maybe not to you, but to the person you’re speaking to, they could mean everything.

here’s the thing about words. you can’t take them back, right? good or bad, once they’re out there, that’s it. i’ve done a lot of work in therapy on my responses to things and people. the words that I say. unfortunately, the hot-headed italian in me doesn’t help, but i’ve been known to say things without thinking. things that I know have probably hurt people at some point. things that those people might still remember to this day. if that’s the case, I truly am sorry. I am sorry that my words hurt you, or made you feel any type of unwanted emotion.

my therapist has taught me the 1,2,3 method. it sounded so simplistic when she explained it. and I’m sure that everyone has been told to “count to 3 before you respond” but if you’ve ever actually tried it, its far more difficult than it seems. essentially what you do is when a situation or a person is activating any type of negative response (sadness, anger, jealousy, etc.) instead of responding with the first thing that comes to mind, count to 3, and then choose your words carefully.

I know, it sounds silly. but it has saved me from saying a lot of things that I didn’t mean. things that I would’ve regretted. and that’s the thing…once you say something, you can apologize, you can say you didn’t mean it, you can take it back, but the damage is done.

in those 3 seconds, I’ve learned to dissect whatever the situation is: why is it upsetting me, why am I angry about it, is whatever happening out of my control, can I change it? and then I respond. does this work every single time? no, im not perfect. I still sometimes may say something that hurts someone. we’re human. but the difference is, i’ve learned to own up to that. to apologize.

while there are a lot of negative things that have been said to me, that unfortunately have effected me more than I care to admit, there’s also been a lot of positive things. and like I said, whether good or bad, people will remember the words you say. don’t miss an opportunity to lift someone up with your words. they’re one of our most powerful weapons. use them for good.

• you are stronger than you think
• you’re more messed up than I thought
• I am so proud of you
• so what now fatty
• her face is cute, but that’s about it
• I am rooting for you so hard! you are such an amazing person and I am proud of how far you’ve come.
• she wants what she can’t have
• you’re doing amazing things and I know you help someone new everyday
• she’s created all of her own problems, I don’t feel bad for her
• I think your blog posts are incredibly moving and so well written
• has anyone ever told you you’re hard to love
• so proud of how far you’ve come
• so much for your therapy working, looks like you need more
• you’re one of the strongest people I know
• she’s nothing but a cock tease
• your dad would be so proud of you
• you make me feel worthless
• you’re just like your father
• you’re the reason I need to keep smoking
• im lucky to know you and see the growth you have accomplished
• she always wants what she can’t have
• keep following your heart, you are a beautiful human being
• you’re one meds because you’re crazy
• i’m so lucky to have a best friend like you
• that looks terrible on you
• she’s so fat you can hear her coming from miles away
• you could be a little skinnier if you tried
• you’ve grown up into the beautiful, thoughtful lady I knew you would be
• you’re paying an awful lot for therapy and it doesn’t seem to be helping
• you’ve grown into such a wonderful and accomplished woman
• you’re worthless
• you make me feel whole, and excited to wake up
• I’ve had a lot of fun loving you
• she’s pretty but she’s on the bigger side
• I never loved you

words can inspire. and words can destroy. choose yours well.