grow through what you go through

much like taylor swift, i’ve been on my own era(s) tour for the last couple of years that came to a close (officially) the other day.

for anyone who doesn’t know, my girlfriend and I moved into our first house together a couple of weeks ago. I know it might not seem like a huge deal at first, but with this new beginning comes the end of a really important period of my life. the end of an era, if you will 😉

the other day, I walked out of my townhouse for the last time. i’ve moved before, but this one is a little bit different for me. that townhouse saw A LOT. a lot of really good stuff, and a lot of really bad stuff.

I said goodbye to the FIRST PLACE I had on my own. just me. no roommate. just me and fenway. the place that was my safe haven for 2 years. it was the place where I cried after calling off my engagement and leaving someone I spent 6 years with. it was the place where I cried about lost friendships. it was the place that I recovered and learned from a lot of really shitty decisions I made. it was the place that saw me at my absolute darkest. the place where I almost tried to end it all.

but it was also the place where I found my love for plants. the place that I got to decorate HOWEVER I wanted. the place that I started this blog. the place where I read 100+ books. the place where I came out to my friends (and to myself). the place where I found myself, where I dug myself out of the darkness. the place where I found the light again. the place that was all mine.

that townhouse was home to a lot of laughs, a lot of tears, a lot of sleepovers, books, coffee, wine, growth and HEALING. so. much. healing. happened within those walls. I don’t know where I would be right now without the sanctuary that townhouse provided. and I close and locked the door on that chapter.

but you know what they say…when one door closes, another one opens. in this case, literally. its a full circle moment, truly. because my girlfriend and I didn’t just move into any old house. we moved into my childhood home, and are in the process of purchasing it after a little setback that left me without an income for 6 months (sign up for disability everyone).

so yeah, i’m back in the house I grew up in. which comes with a slew of emotions as well. im back in the place where I cried about ex boyfriends and bullies. the place that I fought with my mom (and dad, and brother). the place where my dad died. the place where I bullied my brother (sorry zach). the place where I cried about school. the place where I studied for my boards.

but its also the place that holds memories from family parties and holidays. the place that holds memories of my dad. its the place that we kicked my mom out of for a night when we wanted to throw a party. its the place I brought fenway home to.

I didn’t want it to feel like “the house I grew up in” once my mom moved out and my girlfriend and I moved in. I wanted it to be a sanctuary for US. I wanted it to feel like OUR safe haven. so finally, after getting it painted, unpacking, cleaning and decorating, it is just that. its OUR home.

its the place that will hold a lot of hard conversations. the place we will both, at some point, experience some sort of loss. the place where we will bicker, fight and cry.

but it is also going to be the place that hosts so many parties for friends and family. the place where we start new traditions. the place we celebrate birthdays and anniversaries. the place where no matter what, the door is always open for the people we love. its going to be the place that we start the next chapter of our lives. the place that will hear SO many laughs and corny jokes. the place where we run back to after a long day at work. but most importantly, its the place WE call home.

• this time last year: kelsea ballerini
• baggage: kelsea ballerini
• sorry mom: kelsea ballerini
• fight song: rachel platten
• doin fine: lauren alaina
• healing: kesha
• you say: lauren dangle