grow through what you go through

a little over a month ago I was in atlanta, georgia for my first EVER national drag pageant. before you ask, I was NOT the contestant; however, my incredibly talented girlfriend was.

for those of you who don’t know, my girlfriend is a very well known drag king in the Buffalo, NY area. when we first started dating they were talking about how they were going to georgia in april to compete in nationals. at the time, I had NO idea what that really meant for them, or for me, but I would soon find out.

the prepping began shortly after we started dating. the sketching of outfits, the talent number, the rehearsals, the RHINESTONING. it was a whirlwind, but I still had NO idea what I was really getting myself into.

the preparation continued for months, literally until the night we were leaving. so for those of you that aren’t familiar with pageantry systems and the culture of drag as a whole, its ok! I wasn’t, and am still not an expert on it, either. for this specific pageantry system, the contestants were responsible for multiple different “looks”.

the morning starts with registration, which you need to look nice for, but what you’re wearing isn’t judged or critiqued. however, shortly after that there is an interview with the contest and the panel of judges. starting from the interview, every outfit is judged. THE PRESSURE. there is also a presentation category for the beginning of the pageant, a formal/sportswear category, a talent category, and an onstage Q&A.

if you’re wondering what we could’ve possibly been doing in DECEMBER to prepare for this, i’m going to tell you. it started off with the talent outfit. now, i’m sure its different for every performer/entertainer out there but we ordered the base of this costume off a website they frequently use for their drag costumes. by the time the competition came, the outfit was completely different. hours upon hours were spent painting sections of the outfit with multiple layers and multiple different colors. and then came the rhinestones. so. many. rhinestones.

if there is one thing i’ve learned, nothing in drag is complete without rhinestones. so we began the task that would end up taking MONTHS. each section of color on the jacket and pants was covered in stones. affixed by HAND with a heat gun. one. at. a. time. it’s safe to say that there was at LEAST 3,000 stones on the outfit when it was all said and done. but it looked INCREDIBLE. rhinestoning became our only pastime in the weeks preceding the pageant.

the presentation outfit came from a designer, and it was BEAUTIFUL. thankfully we didn’t have to do anything except try it on when it arrived. AND THEN you have to prep for the photoshoot that is included the following day IF you happen to win. it was crazy to me. to put in so much extra effort in just IN CASE?? I had never heard of anything like it.

suits were ordered from multiple stores/websites and stones were added upon their arrival (obviously). accessories for the costumes and for the talent number were purchased, shoes, new makeup, you name it…we bought it.

the weeks leading up to the pageant were stressful. the last minute additions, the last couple of rehearsals with the backup dancers for the talent number. granted, I wasn’t physically involved in any of that, but I was working 13hr shifts, coming home to rhinestone some more, pack, etc. there was a lot going on. but we did it, we finished it all in time.

the trip itself wasn’t awful. we drove, considering the amount of things we needed to bring, flying just wasn’t an option. so we hopped in the car at 4AM with a friend of ours and hit the road.

when I tell you, it rained THE ENTIRE DRIVE. im not exaggerating. and it didn’t just rain. it was a monsoon. we went through kentucky and tennessee, and the amount of construction and traffic, was almost unbearable. there and back. standstill traffic for hours, stuck behind a truck full of chickens, it was surreal. our 13ish hour drive turned into 17-18 hours.

we finally get to the airbnb and it didn’t look QUITE like the pictures. I always say when I get married, I want the airbnb and zillow photographers to take my pictures because they really know how to edit out the imperfections. the airbnb was cute, don’t get me wrong. but the master bedroom bed was broken and the one side was essentially a downhill slope. the lights flickered, there were marks ALL over the wall as if there was some sort of WWE match in there prior to our arrival, and there was a resident coyote in the backyard.

atlanta was amazing though. the electric scooters, the giant ferris wheel, the aquarium, the coca cola factory, THE WEATHER, it was so much fun.

I didn’t expect to be nervous the morning of the competition. I wasn’t competing, I was just there to offer my support, and be the best cheerleader around. but I was SO nervous. we all went with them to registration to help bring everything into the actual venue. the morning consisted of registration, interview and then the contestants were able to rehearse their talents on the actual stage.

the contestants show up for registration NOT in drag, so no makeup, no costumes, just as themselves. and they interview the same way. the interview felt like it took FOREVER. we all just patiently waited in the lobby with our breath held and our fingers crossed. I felt like I was going to throw up and it had absolutely nothing to do with me.

the pageant itself was incredible. the talent that was on that stage that night, blew my mind. there was a mix of current reigning title holders for the pageant system and former title holders all performing and providing entertainment between categories to allow the contestants to prepare backstage. and there is SO much prep behind the scenes too. each contestant has a dresser who they choose and bring with them. the dresser’s job is to quite literally dress the contestant. make sure the outfit is correct, make sure there are NO WRINKLES whatsoever. make sure everything is where it needs to be. and it is no joke. their dresser grabbed us in the middle of the pageant to steam clothes in the bathroom at the last minute to make sure everything was perfect.

the people at the venue throughout the day, the promoters of this specific division of the pageant system, the owner of the system, formers, current court members, and all other drag entertainers were beyond welcoming. you really feel completely included and a part of the family from the second you walk in. and that goes for the drag community as a whole. I’ve been to a handful of events and have met quite a few entertainers from around the country and have never felt more welcome. it truly is remarkable and goes to show you that it costs literally nothing to be kind, but I digress…

circling back to the nerves…the pageant felt like it took 3 days because I was counting down the seconds until we found out who won. each time they were onstage I held my breath (except for when I was cheering on the top of my lungs). I wanted it to go perfect. I wanted it to be perfect for them. I saw firsthand how hard they worked, and how much it meant to them. so by default, it meant just as much to me.

I had seen all of the outfits multiple times before we left, and I had watched almost every single talent rehearsal from the beginning. seeing it on stage, seeing the person I love in their element, absolutely blew me away. it was like seeing everything for the first time.

when it came time for the crowning ceremony I couldn’t contain myself. we were all holding hands, sweating, crying, throwing up (not really, but I felt like I could have). the second their name was announced I blacked out (again, not really but I was so excited I don’t even remember what happened after that). all I remember was crying. I couldn’t stop. I was just so happy and relieved. happy for them because they achieved a huge goal of theirs, and relieved that all of the blood, sweat and tears paid off.

i’ve learned and experienced a lot about the drag community in the last couple of months. and one thing I will say is that NO ONE, is as passionate as those performers and entertainers are. I now know first hand what goes into preparing for an event, whether its a brunch, a pageant, a fundraiser or a show at a night club, the attention to detail is unmatched. the outfit choice, the song choice. there is so much more to it than you would ever know by just watching them dance/sing on stage.

and that’s the whole point. drag is SO much more than that. the messages these performers and entertainers send to the people in the audience, the work they do in their communities, the networking, and the ability to reach so many different individuals in so many different ways, is inspiring. people look up to them, I look up to them. I may not be an entertainer or performer myself, but I am so glad to have been welcomed with the most open arms into this community. they are inspiring. they are talented. they are compassionate. they are dedicated. they are beautiful.

I ask everyone who reads this post to support the drag community in some way. they all deserve it. and to the individuals in the drag community who I have had the absolute pleasure of meeting and/or watching perform, you are incredible. and thank you, for making this girlfriend feel like part of your family.